by Elizabeth H. Cottrell
My story (an excerpt from my book)
A letter from a stranger was the lightning bolt that changed my appreciation for the potential of personal notes forever; from that day on, I saw them as a force for good in the world.
I’ve always written notes, because that’s what we were taught to do when I was growing up in the 1950s. I learned the skill from my mother and both my grandmothers. They all wrote beautiful notes. It was expected. It was good manners.
But the day I received that letter, I suddenly realized it was so much more.
The letter was from a woman devastated by the loss of her son:
“I truly appreciated the encouraging letter you sent my son’s fiancée after my son took his own life. She shared it with me, and it came during one of the most difficult and testing times of my life. I know I have read your note over 25 times; it was a lifeline which kept my spirits up.”
What on earth had I written that could have meant so much to this woman?
Her son’s fiancé was a neighbor of mine and only a casual acquaintance. I only remember, upon hearing the news of this man’s tragic death, that I wanted desperately to reach out to her and let her know she was not alone. To this day, I have no idea what I wrote, but I know it came from my heart and carried a genuine desire to comfort her.
On reading the mother’s anguished missive, I remember experiencing a moment of instant clarity: a note crafted with thoughtfulness and compassion can have impact and create a ripple effect. I’ve been a believer in the power of note writing ever since.
[From HEARTSPOKEN: How to Write Notes that Connect, Comfort, Encourage, and Inspire, published 2022 by Koehler Books]
Elizabeth’s Top tips for writing Heartspoken notes:
Make it easy and convenient. Keep pens, stationery, stamps and address book close at hand. If it’s too much trouble, you won’t ever get around to it.
*(Aside from Leah/Tiny: That’s why we make “stash cards” - Check out our “Essential 16” or “Ultimate Stash” for easy-to-reach-for, beautiful cards – the Ultimate Stash has been making it so much easier for me to write a card a day.)Get in the habit of paying attention to what I call “God nudges”—those moments when someone comes to mind, even when you don’t always know why. Send them a note right away.
Believe in your own note-writing “voice.” It’s fine to get ideas from other people, but with the secret formula in my book, you can find your own voice and write notes with confidence and conviction.
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Don’t let these three myths paralyze you and keep you from writing:
I don’t have time. You have to make time for the things you know are important.
I don’t know what to say. It doesn’t matter, because they won’t even remember what you said. They’ll only remember that you cared enough to reach out to them.
It has to be long. An impactful note can be quite short. Stop fretting and just write.
Once you realize what power you can claim for yourself in writing notes, you’ll find it will never again be an obligation, but always a thrill and a privilege.
Elizabeth H. Cottrell
Elizabeth H. Cottrell’s career has taken her from published leprosy researcher to stay-at-home mother, to community activist and leader serving on nonprofit and corporate boards, to freelance writer/editor and blogger at Heartspoken.com. Above all, she is a connector and encourager, whose expertise and passion for note writing became a book—HEARTSPOKEN, How to Write Notes that Connect, Comfort, Encourage, and Inspire—when the COVID-19 pandemic had us all scrambling for ways to stay connected. Elizabeth is the right person at the right time to help readers find their own heartspoken voice and learn to harness the powerful tool of note writing for nurturing their most precious relationships.
4 comments
I am so honored to have my words find their way to the pages of your blog and newsletter! And what truly lovely responses from Karen and Jessica. Finding kindred spirits like all of you has been one of the greatest blessings of my book-writing journey. If anyone who buys the book would like to have a signed bookplate, let me know your snail mail address and I’d be so happy to mail it to you. You can send me private message on social media, an email, or use the contact for on my website Heartspoken (dot) com.
Discovering Tiny and Snail cards has greatly enriched my own “stash” with words and graphics that so often express exactly what’s on my heart. Your beautiful products are gifts to the world and to the Heartspoken Movement.
I am so honored to have my words find their way to the pages of your blog and newsletter! And what truly lovely responses from Karen and Jessica. Finding kindred spirits like all of you (Leah and I had such a wonderful phone visit not long ago) has been one of the greatest blessings of my book-writing journey. If anyone who buys the book would like to have a signed bookplate, let me know your snail mail address and I’d be so happy to mail it to you. You can send me private message on social media, an email, or use the contact for on my website Heartspoken (dot) com.
Discovering Tiny and Snail cards has greatly enriched my own “stash” with words and graphics that so often express exactly what’s on my heart. Your beautiful products are gifts to the world and to the Heartspoken Movement.
God is always nudging me. It happens all the time! It makes me feel so blessed to share some kind words with those who may need an extra thought or prayer. Just yesterday I popped 20 Valentines in the mail (I hope they arrive on time 😉) sent to people near and far. ❤ And I hope you are feeling much better too!
Heartspoken is such a wonderful book! We must have read it around the same time. I received a copy on Christmas of 2022, and read it in the spring. The passage you highlighted is also my favorite. It resonated so deeply, and I’ve thought of it often since. I’ve written notes that have affected people similarly, and have wondered the same, “WHAT did I possibly write that helped so much?” Recently, a penpal sent ME a condolence note that was so kind and unexpected. It felt like a lifeline. I thanked the sender profusely, and told her that her words meant so much to me. I remember smiling to myself, thinking of Heartspoken, and knowing that she likely thought her note was nothing, something so simple. She probably wondered what she had written that affected me so deeply. To fully understand in that moment the power of bestowing human kindness through words, and then for it to come full circle and receive the same kindness unexpectedly, felt like an epiphany.
Even if you don’t think you have the right words, it’s always better than saying nothing. You never know how you’ll touch someone. You might even be the only person to have reached out in writing, and, even that small gesture may make all the difference.