There’s a “cocktail party hack” that I read about months ago on the blog Cup of Jo and it’s stuck with me ever since.
An introverted person was sharing a great question that they like to ask new acquaintances to get them talking and sharing. (And then they can do more of the listening which gave them greater ease in these social situations).
If their conversation partner shared what they did for a living – or how they volunteer, tend to spend their time etc – this person would follow it up with: “Wow, that sounds hard.”
Inevitably, the person would say, “YES, it is!” And then would proceed to share the challenging parts of their job or what was tricky about it.
I believe there’s a big part of us as humans that craves to feel acknowledged and seen. This comment helps unlock that.
We think: Finally, I have a witness!
Isn’t that what we desperately need sometimes? Just someone who says, “I see what you’re going through. This is hard. Your suffering is not invisible.”
Somehow that can help calm us down, even if NONE of the circumstances shift.
Lately, I’ve had some dear friends going through some very big, difficult changes.
It feels too tender to share here, as their stories are not mine to tell. But I will share the card that I sent to each of them:
One friend lives multiple states away. I Venmo’d her some money for coffee on a day that I knew was unimaginably hard. Then I lit a candle and wrote to her in this card.
In another instance, I sent this card to an acquaintance who had lost someone very dear and was going through intense grief.
We had only spent time together on a couple occasions but she had shared some of her sorrow on social media. I just couldn’t stop thinking about her and her family, so I got her address from a mutual friend and wrote to her.
Who is someone in your life who’s been going through the muck? Who has been enveloped by a dark night?
A heartfelt note from you can say: You’ve been through a lot. I stand as witness to what you’re facing right now. I can’t change a thing but I can be here for you in your grief.
It doesn’t even necessarily need to be someone you know super well.
Write to someone this week who has faced a lot. Let them know that you see it. It might mean more than you know.
With love and tenderness,
xo,
Snail a.k.a. Grace
PS. This particular card can be found in our My Firefly Gratitude and Encouragement Kit. We’re writing prompts for each card in the kit, so this is one of them!
We also have this design available as a single right now. I find it exceptionally useful to have multiples of this one in my stash. 💌