Truth be told, I had a harder time with Leah Lived Day this year than I have in the past.
I woke up to a bladder spasm. Basically my bladder was unhappy for some reason, so I peed the bed. Although bladder spasms are never fun, for some reason it felt like a particularly insulting way to start this particular day. It was a reminder that I was paralyzed and there is nothing I can do about it.
When bladder issues come up, I get anxious and depressed. They can sometimes signal deeper, more troublesome issues going on. It makes me wonder how many years I have left.
Before WWII, the average life expectancy past a spinal cord injury was only 3 years.
Thankfully, with antibiotics and better wheelchair cushioning, (depending on age) that number now stretches into 30+ years. In the past 6 years, I’ve had a few close calls – if it weren’t for antibiotics, I wouldn’t be typing this.
[A wonderful man I knew who was a quadriplegic died recently at the age of 83. Incredible and it gives me such hope! (If you want to read an aaaamazing obituary, here it is.)]
Back to my feelings about Leah Lived Day #6. It held more grief than I would have liked. I kept reminding myself that no feeling is wrong. I could be grateful, but I could also give room to the grief as well.
So often I go about my day in a way that is, although inconvenient, something I have gotten used to.
But my injury hit me differently this year on LLD. I went to bed sobbing. I wanted to be grateful and joyful, but there was a sadness too. I have lost a easy relationship with my body. Being in constant pain is taxing.
But I have no choice. The only choice I have is how I combat the pain.
We started Tiny and Snail a year before I became paralyzed. We had been building our liferaft and didn’t know it.
This business offers me a way to make sense of my suffering. It allows me to process the events and feelings as we do life, and use it as a way to help others.
And it’s connected us with AMAZING customers. 😍
In an effort to redirect my sobbing, I found a meditation on the Calm app. It was a meditation about acknowledging your grief, but then finding people to be grateful for.
My mind landed on our Tiny and Snail community, and that was the thing that allowed me to fall asleep.
I’m not telling you any of this for pity. I’m telling you because I think often my optimism rises to the top, and online things can appear rather rosey. It’s not all roses and rainbows though, and that makes our cards what they are: an ode to BOTH the highs and the lows of life. The human experience contains it all, and I just happen to have been given a front row seat to the extremes; this now tumbles into every piece of art I create.
August 30 happens to be Grief Awareness Day.
Grief is defined by the loss of something or someone.
Whether someone lost a pet, a child, partner or parent (recently or years ago), someone has lost their good health…the list of reasons we grieve are endless. (Here’s a good web page about grief from the Cleveland Clinic. Worth a read!)
I thought it would be interesting to share our grief in the blog comments. If you wish to remain anonymous, you can. I think sharing our grief and knowing other people grieve too can make us feel less alone.
I am also a big believer in taking a few minutes to acknowledge other people’s grief with a handwritten note. I hope you take a few minutes this week to write a note to someone you know is hurting. It’s one of the most important ways we can help make this life a little easier for each other.
If you are in the middle of grief, I hope you feel me squeezing your hand across the miles.
P.S. A couple of the cards from the recent Kindred Spirits Collection are especially helpful for acknowledging grief:
20 comments
Correction to my previous comment…. Thanks for sharing Dr. Sabow’s obituary. My tablet has a mind of its own. 😁
You are a beautiful inspiration to us all Leah. I was so touched by reading Dr. Davis’s wonderfully written obituary. Thank you for sharing. Talk about a life well lived and a person so well loved! Today marks 35 years since my father-in-law passed away. His heart stopped beating and he was gone right there at his home on a sparkling August day. He had his share of medical issues his entire life since childhood, but he too persevered as a small successful business owner. He never finished school as a kid since he lost so many days due to his asthma and heart problems. I remember him fondly today and will stop to visit his resting place with some pretty yellow mums, his favorite color and flowers. And I will keep you close to my heart in grateful thanksgiving that I found you and Grace through Tiny and Snail! ❤🌻❤
Thank you, lovely lady, for sharing your humanity—with the “Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”….So very sorry “Ugly” reared its nasty self on what should have been celebratory AND fun🤦🏽♀️…day
I read something many years ago about a person who was ready to take his life in a totally different direction, his children were at a place of being fairly independent, things were good, and it was time to pursue a back burner dream…Then, he found out his wife was expecting a child, and, of course, that is a gift that they could not turn down—And if you’ve ever had infertility issues, you get it….Sooooo, he re-directed….But, a friend suggested he truly let go, and have a funeral for that dream, and allow the grief it’s time to be felt and dealt with—so he did…He even invited a few close friends to join him for a wake to close the grief time…And he moved on to enjoying this child gift…Some years into the future, he reflected back and realized this abrupt change of plans was actually a Better path and other opportunities opened up—and he loved that child so deeply….
Our expectations and reality don’t always gel on the same day😵💫—-But, another day will evolve into something so special and precious and practically perfect in every way and wash over you like a balm of calm and joy and that day will help sustain you when “Ugly” returns at maybe another time to unseat a dream or expectation…
You and Grace give me so much inspiration with your posts and sharing your artistry thru meaningful cards that truly understand the sometimes raw truth of our humanity—Thank you for this chance to understand your pain, grieve with you, and send heartfelt prayers and written words your way to return the love you share so willingly with all of us…
Take care of you—physically and mentally for however much time you need….Be gentle with yourself and get ready for that unexpected gift of a day or time period in the future—“Good” will be at her most excellent—that will be your day or time—Enjoy every second….Love you —Cheryl
This meant a lot to me today. Yesterday, my cousin who I dearly love, went on hospice. She lives across the country from me, so being there physically is not an option. I grieve already for her. She has battled that awful disease so valiantly.She is tired, so very tired. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Why this is suddenly hitting me, I don’t know. But thank you for this space and for sharing your journey in such an open way.
Thank you Leah, for sharing how difficult things can be. Sometimes the “Rainbows and Sunbeams” ALL the time mentality others expect from one… is exhausting; Albeit, the wallowing in (let’s dodge the word negative here…although it fits), dark moods for too long is detrimental to mental health. Attempting to find balance is key. Sometimes when I find I’m having a particularly bad patch of day/I look at the clock and pick a time a few hours ahead where I feel the day can “flip” to a better feeling. It (usually) works for me. Granted…I don’t have the physical challenges you have to face day to day.
I appreciate your Presence (Of course a nod to your Sister, Grace too…Otherwise it would be Tiny Cards…not the same at all).
I have my last order from you sitting, unopened, as I like to look forward to giving it my full attention. Let’s call it a “Tea Moment,” if you will. (I was once mocked by an acquaintance for my finding joy in small moments of time; Like savoring a cup of tea. Hence her mocking phrase that I’ve since come to embrace and try to look for each day. So I’m hopeful you have your own version of “Tea Moments” each day. (As an aside. I worked ICU many moons ago. Once some patients are discharged, not all will go back to the way things were before. People lose sight of this at times. It’s taken you a lot of work to get to this point and every day for you is navigating the loss of your former life. I won’t state I get it as that’s insulting. I will say I wish you the best in your everyday and know that I’m rooting for you.)